I need to be honest. Today might not be the best day for me to write a loving letter to my 10 month-old-son. Your mother loves motherhood, but some days, she feels like shutting the doors, closing her eyes, putting in earplugs, and pretending, at least for a few moments, that's she's not responsible for feeding, clothing, diapering, wiping, bathing, comforting, disciplining, teaching, and entertaining two young children.The last few nights have been tough. You woke up 4-5 times each night. Its exasperating. I'm so conditioned to wake up every 3 hours that the few times you've slept longer in the past month, I wake up anyway. So I can't train you, but congratulations, you've trained me. Daytime does not always bring rainbows and unicorns. Some days, you're such a...baby. Needing me, all the time. I know...the nerve. Sometimes, I'll watch you from a distance when you're with someone else. I walk in, you see me, and then you cry. "He's been great the whole time," I often here from whoever was watching you. I am told you cry because you love me, and don't want me to see you having fun without me. Really, Jackson, its a nice thought, but highly unnecessary. Because sometimes, that crying doesn't feel like love.
But I know its love and it goes both ways. I love you and you really are a delightful baby when you want to be. And really, I won't be able to throw around that term much longer. Baby's can't walk, and you're getting a bit too closer for comfort in that department. You're cruising around on your walker, which is the most adorable thing. Your brother helps you to "steer," as your control needs a bit of work. You guys still play so nicely, which is a beautiful thing. Brady sometime gets rough with you and after he does something he's not supposed to, he yells, "Sorry Jackson!" His decibel level is in direct proportion to the severity of the crime, so if I didn't see it, I generally know how bad it was (if your cries don't tip me off).
Your laugh is amazing and I could listen to it all day. Unfortunately, several other sounds arepart of the daily mix tape. You love to play catch and have your choice of balls in this house. You've finally sprouted two teeth and you use it for the wide variety of food you eat. You favor the real stuff, so not much "baby" food in your diet anymore. You love the bath and I've been known to toss you and your brother in the tub at unconventional times, because no matter how fussy you are, the bath is your happy place.
You and I are flying to San Antonio tonight for your first NCAA tournament. I'd leave you behind with your grandparents and your brother, but your refusal to take a bottle and sleep secured your ticket to Texas. Very clever, for a baby. While an adult trip would not have been horrible, I am looking forward to some QT with you without laundry/cleaning/dinner/chores/Brady cutting your time short. I'll make you a deal -- I'll give you lots of time, you give me lots of sleep.
I love you whatever you choose.
Love,
Mom
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