Letters to Avery: 11 years old

 Avery,

The highly anticipated day is here at last! You've been looking forward to it since....maybe last birthday. In true Avery fashion, you celebrated it at midnight Saturday after a long day of excitement.  You couldn't have laid out a better birthday weekend for yourself.  It was a Carolina Basketball Reunion weekend of epic proportions.  I've always admired your ability (like your father) to be comfortable and dynamic in so many different situations and that was on full display this weekend! You know the importance of a firm handshake and looking someone in the eye.  "So nice to meet you" came out of your mouth many times this weekend while you ping-ponged between socializing with old friends and strangers.

We had a dinner on Saturday night in the Smith Center with all of the former players and families.  I had several people come ask, "where is Avery?" and the answer was always, "I have no idea." But with every answer was the knowledge that you were a minimum absolutely fine, and more likely, doing something to make someone's evening better.  Whether it was managing the children's bounce house, telling my former classmate who was integral in introducing Eric and me "thanks for making sure I existed," or stripping linens and moving chairs after the event concluded, you make an impact wherever you go.  That was just one night, but that is how you live your life. 

You've started 5th grade and on day 2, you told me that you started an organizing club.  On day 4, you had created a signup and established rules.  Rule #7 -- leave every area cleaner and more organized that we found it. In the same vein, you acquired a fish several months back.  It was meant to be on your birthday wish list, but you saw a weak spot in your father who made a promise he could not keep.  "Can we get a fish?" you whispered to him out of earshot of your less impulsive mother.  T.D. entered our family that day and before his first night in Rockford Lane, he had a bedazzled tank next to set of rules that provided instruction as to cleaning protocols and feeding schedules.  Rule #7 -- Be nice to T.D. You have followed that rule and all of them and any fish or living creature under your care is a lucky one.  

You're responsible, mature, creative, and a dang trip to be around.  Your brain must be a great place to live in and I love getting glimpses of what goes on up there.  I remember a past conversation when we were contemplating life and death, and you envisioned heaven to have LED lights and Starbucks drinks. You told me when you go to college you would take my pillow because it smells like me.  Watching you bury your nose in my pillow makes me feel so grateful to be loved by you and have a front row seat to your growing up.  You are a gift that keeps on giving day after day and I'm thankful to be your mom.

Love,

Mom

Letters to Brady: 15 years old

Brady,

Happy Birthday!  Hard to believe we've known each other 15 years!  A little longer if you count in utero.  You made me a mom 15 years ago and I felt the most pain and the most joy in a matter of minutes.  Which I guess prepares one for motherhood! I'm thankful that the joy has waaaaay outweighed the pain when it comes to being your mom.  You've been a joy since the day you came out!

This year has been transformational for you.  You're nearing the end of your first year of high school and like most transitions in your life, you took it in stride.  Like most normal teenagers, much of your life is a mystery to me.  I get glimpses and try to decipher the convos amongst your friends.  I am very grateful that you're willing to share (some) info with your dad and me and I hope we are always a safe space for you to come.  You've proven to be trustworthy and responsible and during a time where there's lots to worry about, I don't worry about you much!

You have matured so much this past year.  You look different, sound different, and act different than you did a year ago, but at your core you're the same Brady you've always been.  You've loved basketball since you could walk, but this past year you've really put time and effort into improving your game and it shows.  I'm glad you've found a passion and I hope you will continue pursuing it, while remembering your worth is not tied up in the game or how you perform.  

Speaking of passions, you've picked up photography and videography and you're great at it!  You've even found ways to monetize it, and I continue to be impressed with your artistic skills.  You got a nice camera at Christmas and a big (expensive) lens for your birthday.  I love watching how excited you were to receive it and I can't wait to see what you're able to do with it. (besides showing me how close it can get to my face...I don't need to see every pore and wrinkle).  You also got Instagram for your birthday, which was equally exciting.  You've had to wait longer than most of your peers, but you've seemed to accept that without bitterness towards your more restrictive parents and that does not go unnoticed.

Another big birthday acquisition was your driver's permit! You've been driving down the driveway and back for a long time now but today was the first day you didn't have to stop at the end of Rockford Lane!  So far, so good on the driving front.  My blood pressure barely elevated during our first ride and I think I only clutched my seat one time on your first ride.

You are certainly comfortable in the driver's seat, physically and metaphorically.  You are forging your path with confidence and joy.  There will be bumps and potholes along the way, but your dad and I will always be there to help guide you and root you on.  I love being your mom and hope for great things for your future.

Love,

Mom

P.S. As of today, I am still taller than you.

Letters to Jack:13 years old

Jack,

ThirTEEN! I have a(nother) teenager in the house and I couldn’t be more thrilled! Teenagers get a bad wrap but unless your personality changes overnight, teens are alright! 

You’ve grown into such an awesome young man. I don’t have enough fingers on my hands to count the number of people who have come up to me saying, “that Jack, what a great kid.”  Couldn’t agree more. After a play date a few weeks back, one parent commented how good of a conversationalist you are. I think you had gotten her husband’s ear about the Masters and especially when you’re talking about sports, you can talk! Your love for sports and for numbers and stats and the Yankees (!) has shown through this year. You’ve expressed interests in coming a sports analyst and I couldn’t think of a better job for you! 

You remain the sweet and sensitive soul you’ve always been. When I pick you up from somewhere you immediately take note of my mood and if you sense I’m not smiley and happy you’ll say, “You good, mom?” You’re always monitoring others and you’re so empathetic.

You’ve done great in school this year and have managed any anxiety you’ve dealt with so well. Hard to imagine you’re the same kid you were going in middle school! You’re confident and capable! On Thursdays, you are a reader for a kindergarten class. I love hearing you on Wednesday evenings talking about how you’re excited about Reading Buddies and on Thursday nights telling me funny stories of your kids. Your face lights up when you talk about things you love and as your mom, there’s nothing better than that! 

Jack, I am know great things are in store for you this year and in future years. It’s so easy and fun being your mom and I couldn’t be happier. 

Love,

Amy

Letters to Avery: 10 years old

 Dear Avery,

Double digits! I can hardly believe my baby is 10. When you popped out 10 years ago, I had no idea what a gift having a daughter would be. But that is certainly what you are!

Speaking of popping, you popped up bright and early this morning at 5:30, excited to be 10, and ready for a basketball-filled day. Your team got smoked in all three games, but you play with such heart, passion, and grit, no matter the score. Nobody fights for a jump ball like you do. During one such instance today, you completely ripped the ball from a girl (maybe a second or so after the whistle had been blown) and she flew to the ground. But without losing a beat, you immediately went to her and offered her a hand up. The parents were laughing and one noted, "it's like punching somebody in the face and then immediately going over and patting them on the back." It's not a perfect comparison, because you are so kind and would never punch anyone, but you are as fierce as you are kind, and you show that they are not mutually exclusive.

I continue to be awed how comfortable you are in your own skin. My wish for the next ten years is that you maintain that confidence. Keep flexing in the mirror. Keep loving your glasses. Keep seeing yourself for the beauty that you are. 

You're also comfortable in almost any room. You're able to talk to adults in a way that few children can. And it's not only that you are good and tolerate it, but you enjoy interacting with all sorts of people and thrive in environments that make many uncomfortable. I love watching your individual relationships with the UNC players. One of your current favorites is Luka, an international student from Montenegro. You and dad took him shopping and helped move him into his apartment. He cracks you up with his choppy english. There's nothing you like more than tagging along with your father on his work adventures. Do you know how boring others kids' parents' jobs are compared to your dad's?

Avery, you are insightful and thoughtful. You are self-sufficient and independent. You are hilarious and clever. You are competent and helpful. I could think of 100 attributes, but no number of descriptive words can encapsulate just how special you are.  I tell you at least once a week that I feel so lucky to be your mom. The reality is I feel that way each and every day.  I'm so proud of the young lady you're becoming and excited to watch you grow. 

I love you. 

Love,

Mom 

Letters to Brady: 14 years old

 Brady,

It's hard to believe I'm old enough to have a 14 year old. You are about to be in high school and time seems to be passing quicker the older you are. You've dealt with every transition in your life with confidence and ease, and I'm sure the next one will be no different. You entered the world believing you belonged and you've kept that energy.

8th grade was a big year! Your soccer team won the conference championship and your basketball team went undefeated. It is so fun to watch you thrive on the field and on the court.  In social news, after a long wait, you got a cell phone at Christmas. You waited longer than almost all of your friends, but accepted your late fate and took it in stride. You've been a responsible phone user and I don't take that for granted. I don't need to know everything that goes on in your teenage life, but I do appreciate that you are open, honest, and will give us pretty big glimpses into your life.

Though you have teenage tendencies, you are becoming a responsible young man. You faced a challenging social issue this year and I was impressed with your maturity dealing with this issue. You also dealt with it with kindness and empathy and it gave me confidence that you'll be able to handle future challenges.

Happiest birthday to the boy who made me a mother. I love being your mom.

Love,

Mom

Letters to Jack: 12 years old

Jack! Happy birthday, bud. I didn't get to see you today because you were out doing big things in Baltimore with your dad and brother. But there is no doubt that not seeing your mom was a very small sacrifice compared to missing school, riding on your own golf cart with Brady, and living your best life. Happiness is not my highest goal for you or any of my children, but seeing you happy is one of life's greatest gifts.

Your first year of middle school has been nothing short of amazing, and because it has gone so smoothly, sometimes I forget how far you've come. You suffered some pretty debilitating bouts of anxiety leading up to middle school, and it was one of my hardest parenting moments I've ever had to deal with. Seeing you spiral, and feeling unequipped to manage it was one of the more helpless feelings I've had as a mother. I've known that you are very sensitive and feel emotions big since your very earliest days, and one of life's unfair burdens is to place anxiety on those with the biggest hearts. 

Your heart is big and i see it daily in how you treat others. You and Brady got to play on two teams together this year. Beyond the logistical convenience, it was fun to see you both as teammates. One game, Brady packed the wrong baseball pants. Not only did they not fit him, they did not fit you and clearly hadn't made it out of the drawer rotation for some reason. I would guess most brothers would say, hey, not my problem! But not you. You wore skin tight black pants so that your brother could move freely on the field. And I don't even remember hearing you remind him of it later. You are truly a wonderful soul.

I watched you blossom in 6th grade in so many ways. You are an excellent student, and I find myself reminding you that grades don't really matter, because I see how much pressure you put on yourself. You take a lot of pride and everything that you do. You have thrived in the sporting world this year. You followed in your brother's footsteps and made the soccer team without ever having played organized soccer before. Then you tried out for basketball, something you were on the fence about. You made it, of course, but more importantly, you loved it. When your main love, baseball, came around you were thrilled to make the team. You sat the bench most of the season like all the other six graders, but you had such a great attitude and when you did see the field, you crushed it! 

Jack, you are my lowest maintenance child and some days I feel like you don't get the attention you deserve. I hope you felt the love on your birthday. I love being your mom every day. 

Love,

Mom

Letters to Avery: 9 years old

 Avery,

Phew!  It's 11pm on your birthday and what a day it was! You woke up early, but not as early as your first day of school three weeks ago.  That morning, I awoke to a tap on the shoulder at 5am with a fully-dressed, ready-to-go, 3rd grader.  Nobody was as ready as you for 3rd grade, and with two middle school boys with a slightly different attitude, I appreciated the enthusiasm, even if it was at the expense of my sleeptime.  

You were very clear a month or two ago what you wanted for your birthday.  A shopping spree!  No party or friends needed, just mom, a mall, and a budget.  Unfortunately, you got born to the wrong mom, a lady who does all her shopping behind a keyboard.  But not having to plan or pay for a birthday party did seem attractive, so the shopping spree was planned!  I told you tonight that you better keep my secret.....the shopping spree was so fun!!!  For someone who loves to shop, you were so prudent with your money and at one point I had to explain that at the pace you were spending, you weren't going to spend even half of what we were planning!  $50 and 5 stores took over an hour!  There was no impulsivity, and it was very fun to watch how you navigated your money and time.  I was very impressed, and while your saavy was impressive, it was not surprising.  You knew it being your birthday would result in some favors and you cleverly asked me to casually drop that info to each cashier, which time after time yielded good results!  Starbucks was the most exciting stop as she comped your drink and gave you one bigger than your head!

Your shopping savvy is just an example of your overall savvy.  You are so good at social interactions, particularly with adults.  I can't imagine my 9 year old self navigating social situations as well as you do.  You are so observant, too observant sometimes. I can't get anything by you, from the smallest of thing, to the largest.  I hate to admit how many gifts you have "stumbled" across.  Now you just roll your eyes at me when you find something.  And the things you notice? A few examples -- last week I polished my wedding ring at home.  Within 10 minutes of seeing you, you noticed that my ring was sparkling and asked about it. Anything on my body that has changed will be noticed!  Armando Bacot and other UNC players sometimes shoot commercials in our gym. Last year, Armando had left the gym and hour or so before you got home from school.  You walked in the gym, took a sniff, and said, "was Armando here?" (BTW, that was not an insult, was a good Armando smell, but one I could have never diagnosed).

I focused on one very small part of your personality and could write about you and your amazing qualities for days.  You continue to impress and inspire me and I am so thankful to witness you going from a girl to a young woman.  It is a such a blessing to be you mom.

Love,

Mom