R-rated rhymes

Snow days are great.  Except that it means you're stuck in the house all day.  And your husband still has to work as usual.  And your kids are afraid of sleds, which their dad bought excitedly, just for the occasion.  And your kids take their shortest nap of the week.  But other than that, great.

Hearty breakfast before embarking on his 10 minute snow experience.

In the seemingly endless day at our house, we read some books, one of Jackson's favorite pastimes.  When he wants to read, he will thrust a book in your lap until you submit, which is what he did with a book that he found on his brother's bookshelf, forgotten until today.  I admit, I will often read books to my kids, only half paying attention to the content (there are some brutal kids books out there).  This one gave me pause.

Its a book of old Nursery Rhymes,  written in simpler times, when things like beating your children was no big deal.  But keep in mind, this was re-printed in 2003, so perhaps some of these rhymes could have been updated?  Not being cocky, but I feel like if you give me a couple glasses of wine, I could knock out a few rhymes of equal or higher caliber.  As you will note in the above picture, the publisher's idea of including a CD was to "encourage children to learn the words."  So here I am, making a conscious effort not to curse in front of my children, to say bottom instead of butt, to tell my kids that I'm "feeling angry" instead of just saying that I'm really pissed, and now you want me to supplement the reading of this book with a CD?  Nah.

Ok, lets start with the least of the evils. 

Lets assume this is written in the Depression, when food was scarce and people just had to deal with rations.  Or perhaps she lived in a bad part of town and her cupboard was raided by thieves.  I don't know what kids are supposed to walk away feeling after reading this.  Like at least Old Mother Hubbard tried to give him something to eat?  Is there a follow-up rhyme that lets us know the dog's fate?  Was animal services contacted?  Again, this rhyme is so mild compared to what follows, but it establishes the overall theme of really depressing stories.

I admit, even I've sung this song to my children, but I'm glad we now get an actual visual as to what is going on here.  No biggie, just an unsupervised baby swinging 10 feet above the solid ground.  I am just thankful the illustrator did not show us the picture of what happened in the latter portion of the song.  CPS was definitely called here.

Ok, this rhyme was good enough for two pages, but I only snapped a picture of the second half.  In the first half, you have the knave (which I had to Google), that stole the tarts which the queen had made.  I'm assuming that "tarts" are a baked good of sorts, hardly a capital offense -- but who is going to question the King of Hearts (who frankly, seems a bit heartless)?  But I'm going to give this rhyme a little credit, because at least you have a clear moral here and the message is as clear as this King's conscious.  Perhaps "beat" could be subbed with a less aggressive word?  But again, I'll defer to the heartless king.

This is wrong on so many levels, but I can appreciate two things: 1) the tact of the illustrator 2) the clear lesson - say your prayers kids!!!  Now, what is wrong: 1) as many times as I read them, the first two lines are very unclear and make absolutely no sense. 2) the second two lines are perfectly clear and leave no room for ambiguity. Which is a problem in itself   3) The fact that he was thrown by the left leg is oddly specific and somehow, makes this worse, if that is possible 4) Ageism seems to be at play here.  Is it because he is an old man that his life means less?  Perhaps he forgot to say his prayers because he was suffering from Alzheimer's. Sadly, we know what a simple fall walking to the toilet can do to the elderly, so is there any question about this man's fate? 

Let's end with an oldie but goody.  For some reason, this one makes me less uncomfortable than the dog that didn't get any food.  Can't we all feel for this old woman?  Firstly, her husband is notably absent.  Secondly, cramped spaces can do crazy things to mothers.  Presumably, the number of kids were her fault, but we didn't we all choose to have our children?  Sure, but does that make the struggle any less real?  Lastly, I guess I just respect the efficiency of the whole evening.  They got dinner (delicious broth), then probably complained because it wasn't accompanied by homemade bread from the bread maker, so the underappreciated old woman did what she needed to do (whipped them soundly), and not 10 minutes later, they are asleep in their own beds.  And they probably don't need to be reminded that they are not to get out of bed until the clock turns green. 

I think the old lady deserves some respect.