A not-so-simple question

I ran into a friend the other day.  She has a baby who is a few weeks younger than Brady, but I hadn't seen her since her daughter was born.  One of the first questions she asked was, "What is Brady doing?" I paused for moment.  As I pondered how to answer this seemingly simple question, I opted to take the literal interpretation.  I informed her that a friend of mine was watching Brady while I was at the luncheon we were attending.

Wrong answer, of course.

She wanted to know what he was doing.  Was he crawling?  Pulling up?  Singing his ABC's?

It was an innocuous question, and was not meant as a platform for "well my daughter is <insert special talent>" as those questions can sometimes lead. In fact, after we talked about what Brady was doing, she informed me that her daughter's fat rolls were keeping her from crawling. 

I think the need to compare babies, and kids of all ages, sometimes comes not from wanting to brag about your child's achievements (my son can open drawers...get Harvard on the phone!), but more about making sure your child is normal.  Brady wasn't born with a manual, and with no one to compare him to, sometimes its hard to know what he should be doing...and what I should be doing.

I've made a conscious effort to let Brady develop on his own and not compare him to other kids, but sometimes its hard to watch as the younger kid in church cruises circles around Brady.  And it's hard not to feel a bit of pride when the mom in playgroup comments how well Brady seems to be getting around, while her older daughter sits idly by.

Finally, I sort of get the psycho parents of this world .  The one's who push their kids too hard, and treat their children's achievements, and failures, as their own.  Lord help me, I hope an never am them...but I get them. To some extent, our children are a reflection of ourselves.  But our children should bring joy, not validation.  If Brady turns out to be a Nobel Peace Prize winner, it's no thanks to me.  And if he's locked up in the State Pen with his prison number branded on his arm...well, that must be from his dad's side.

I don't know how Brady will turn out, but I do know that next time I'm asked what Brady is doing, I'll let that person know that he's army crawling all over the house, waking up twice a night, sipping water from a straw, eating finger food, but not from his own fingers, sucking his right thumb, winning the hearts of strangers in grocery stores by flashing his five teeth, and having much more frequent bowel movements.

Won't they be glad they asked?